Filmmmm

Watch Me
A cute short.

You're not what you think are, but what you think... you are. (As in Biblically what you think you are.)

Truth. It's been a while since I last posted. Life is busy, yet not busy.

By next year I will hopefully have completely transitioned into a job position more like what I'm interested in. Work is helping to train me and get me there. Will I still be stuck in C'ville? Looks like it. But who knows, maybe I'll move to another state and work from a different office, why? Because I can. But it'd be nice to see the current 3rd years graduate. It'd make me happy. So that's the past several weeks condensed. Work, changing weather, downtime. Seeing people. Driving around. Exercise. Sick.

When I put it like that, it's easy to gloss over all the good and bad times.

I realized that I'm one of those people who's mood changes based on the weather. Go figure right? Aka, I'm not as happy when it's not sunny. Yet rain is good for many things. Clouds are good for many things. But my mood still sours slightly, if it goes on too long. Hopefully this will change. So am I one of those people who love the cold, but the winter months might not be helpful for my mood? Quite possibly... oh the dilemmas of life. The drama... haha.

I'm not what I think I am, what I think... I am.

1 John 3:1
I am a child of God. My childhood sort of sucked. No lie. Not a pity party, but it did. But God, has redeemed it. In His grace, He let me see more of how a family should operate. And I give thanks my brother can grow in that.

I really suck. Haven't seen God redeem as much as I would hope... haha. But bits and pieces He has. And frankly, I prob won't see all of it. But that's okay. Days that suck come and go, even if they seem to last forever. But joy always comes back. God let's me see Him again. The sun comes back if you will. And I'm reminded that as much as I hate who I am/what I've done, I look to a future that has not yet occurred. I remain hopeful, and I continue to try to change through His grace.

On a completely unrelated note, I didn't wind a roll of film correctly. Aka I wasted over 24 snapshots that I found meaning in. Aka I wasted a roll of film that I'd never tried before, and that I really wanted to try. Aka sucks. All in all, sadness.

Even anime can be deep

What to do with the future is more important than a past you can't change.

Yessiree. This is from an anime show. Is the show deep or good? Nah, it's pretty dumb. Started super angsty and post-apocalyptic which was cool, and then devolved into this stupid comedic love affair drama-esque think.

But deep, cause it's so true. And I'm so guilty of obsessing over a past where I get trapped.

So I bought a tank on this past Monday or Tuesday. Why? Cause I couldn't justify driving home to get a shirt so that I could get a shot cause I was wearing a button up with no undershirt, and didn't want to stand there shirtless for my flu shot. Reality check. I've found several holes in shirts. And I have 3 pairs of jeans. One has a small hole right in the crotch area, and it's only getting bigger. Not to be vulgar or anything mind you. And it's in a position where I don't think you can really see it if I'm walking around, but regardless.

This whole no buying clothes thing might end up falling apart towards the end of the year. Maybe I'll wear the holes in my shirts with pride as a true hipster. Dunno. I mean I already failed by buying a tank. Meh. Oh... I forgot that I got a pair of shoes too... whoops. Then again I can get by without buying any clothes so maybe I'll continue to hold to it as best as I can. Gives me something to focus on while I live my life.

Today, I'm mixing up my music. Been listening too much rap lately. So amazingly good... but lots of curse words and I can feel it infecting my thought process. So today I went the opposite and listened to the soundtrack of 궁S. Lol. Lots of good instrumentals. Made me want to watch some cheesy dumb drama that's cute... Last time I did that was I think first year of college? Sigh... so old.

The past couple days have been full of deep thoughts. Or I think they are deep, but are they really? Probably not. Some are stupidly depressive thoughts, and some are more legitimate. But this super cheery music and beautiful weather is always good for being uplifted and looking at things with a healthier frame of thought.