Why Am I Still Up?

That is the question that I ponder/you might be pondering. It's 4:01 am here.

Why... because I'm taking the time to think, like really think, which I haven't done for a while. Sounds weird right?

This past Sunday, frisbee ended officially. We lost IM's, and as things wind down, I'm faced with the reality. Less than a month, and I will be separated from everyone. On top of that, due to everyone rejecting me (I guess, I should have applied to more, not that I didn't apply to a lot. I applied to a lot.), I have talked to CL, and I will be going to the Philippines for the next two years. Crazy right?

I mean I guess I'll apply to some more places until this gets finalized, but it's freaking crazy right? There's... things I want to do here, but basically it's my life in America is put on hold, or I try to address things, probably before I'm ready to... who knows, but God?

I've been wasting a lot of time lately. Blaming it on laziness, but the reality is, I don't want to face reality. I don't want to accept that my life is ending here. I don't want to accept that... I'm going to be incredibly lonely, and in all honesty, will probably spend nights crying myself to sleep. Haha, sounds pathetic, but I'm going to be really lonely, and everyone here stateside has their own life to think about, and we'll be on completely different time schedules. I think I'm also just frustrated because I'm relying on someone else to provide as opposed to really earning through myself...

I once thought I had things figured out. And they slowly fell apart, and then I thought I learned. But I'm one hardheaded donkey... haha. Still learning a lot.

But finally... time to come to grips with reality I guess. No point in running.

On the bright side, despite my fears, and just deep sadness, I had some cool things happen.

Last Friday, I saw Phil Wickham live for FREE!!!! And he's much much better live than on recording  I was shocked at how God blessed him. Basically he led it like worship... of course his vocals were amazing though.

I also saw Ben Rector last night, and that was also incredible. He was so much better live that I couldn't listen to his songs on my ipod after... it just didn't compare.

I even broke the no clothes shopping rule to buy band shirts from both, but I'm justifying it by saying it's for memories sake. In terms of buying other stuff, besides food and the random oddity (which I really can't think of besides frisbees), I've been good about not buying. Crazy right? This money hungry materialistic idiot, is finally learning more and more haha.

I think there's going to be a return to blogging over the next couple weeks haha. As I really start to think again, I need an outlet. Granted I still have my more private place of writing.

Hello reality... I'm back. You're as depressing as always, but praise be to God, my only sustain-er.