Another person

Sometimes, you really just want to know that someone cares... but the dumb part is that God cares. God is there. And yet sometimes.. that other person is just crucial. At least it has been for me, and I want to be able to do that for others. But the most important thing is the Spirit and prayer. Something I forgot all too often.

Sometimes you want a significant other hahahahahaha, but all too often, I'm reminded I just need God. I wonder what the balance is between healthy relationships with others and with solely depending on God. Granted... I like harsh and rigid separations too much, but Christianity is a lot of gray/where is your heart. And that's one of the most freaking hard questions in the world cause you think you might know, and then you realize you were way off. Or maybe you think you don't know, but the reality is... you do know. Sigh... dumbness.

But going back to above... as crappy as I am. As selfish as I am. As dumb as I am. As poorly as I show it. As poorly as I word it (if I even do, cause I normally don't even bother to show it, or I try to hide it). I really care about a lot of things and people... sigh. Emotional Mark, but not Emo. At least not now, and hopefully never again.

Little Lights Part 2

First off, it snowed here again...crazy right? haha. I thought this picture was cute.

I'm so drained right now, I really don't understand completely.

But as promised here is the rest of Little Lights, sorry it's late. Lots of things on my mind/a lot of time wasted this past week.

Basically, there was a lot of emphasis on prayer this trip. We went on prayer walks in Anacostia, and DC around Little Lights. We attempted to just talk to random people and bring up God in an attempt to evangelize. We prayed in the ministry house that we slept in with a pastor and company (essentially prayer warriors for lack of a better term), and we prayed on our own (hopefully haha).

I posted up pics of Anacostia on FB but ya. God orchestrated ways, like giving us extra time when we thought we didn't have enough time to go on a prayer walk or even though a couple people tried to talk to one person and didn't work out, the other group got to talk to them. Twas sick.

For me personally... sorry this post just won't sound as enthusiastic, I just have a lot on my mind, but I'll try to be honest.

But ya, prayer walking was really good. It reminded me to do that here. Just as I'm walking to pray for those around me, the places around me, and to do so in confidence. But people in Anacostia are so friendly. Yes, statistically it's a bad place. Really bad, but the people there said hi all the time, and we replied in kind. I dunno, just nice as opposed to UVA or even the wealthier parts of DC. We are just so self-absorbed or we will feel too awkward, I dunno... but we just don't acknowledge each other, sorta sad.

I got relatively close to kids this time, compared to before. Tatiyana (not sure how to spell it) and Jarell. Tatiyana gave me the nickname, Mo haha. That's a new one, but it made me happy haha. I acted pretty sassy to her, not at first but later and I think it made her respect for some odd reason. But it was fun. And she kept on saying my math was wrong hahaha, that girl. but her teacher was wrong a couple times... which was really sad. But regardless I had a lot of fun with her, and even writing this reminded me to pray for her. :)

Jarell was a cool kid. Smart, tried to act cool too haha. We played games together a lot, he owned me in foosball like no other. But I beat him in ice hockey and chess.... although apparently he's the best in chess at LL and when I beat him, he got mad... I felt pretty bad. But right after that he owned me in foosball so I think that made him feel better.

One other guy named Terrence listed 60 digits of pi on pi day... I was like o.O sick. Haha. Random factoid.

But anyways, prayer. Like I said we prayed before with an African American pastor, her husband, the volunteer staff coordinator, and good old Miss Linda and her husband. I said Miss Linda... cause no one can tell and if you know her... sweet heart man haha. But ya... focused a lot on spiritual warfare and even put on the armor of God as it talks about in Ephesians. We learned here and in our prayer after it, to pray out loud, we learned to pray in confidence. We learned to really pray against the enemy and the lies he tells us and so many things, that to be honest I've neglected. I can't fully understand spiritual things so I dumb it down. But I was reminded that we need to fight him in prayer and petition through God.

Personally the only prayer walk I did was in Anacostia, and when people went on a prayer walks in DC around the more yuppy parts I went to starbucks and dunkin and around there to talk to people. I only got to have meaningful conversations with a couple, Marlin and Sketch. Marlin was a missionary and he shared briefly about that and how he's working in DC wondering what God will lead him and his family to do. And sketch was a Christian as well, who is like me... We debated a lot over small details, on the big picture we agreed and honestly I felt like he argued for the sake of it. Good points, but just... ya. But honestly that's how I am. I feel so bad to everyone that I've done that to now. Especially cause sketch sort of got this pompous attitude and I normally do that too... sigh. But I've been learning to really swallow my words and my pride lately. At least I think so.

Couple other people we talked to just thought we were weird I think, and one homeless guy just was like leave me alone basically... but it was good. I learned it's not hard to talk to people and it's not scary. Also fyi, I wasn't alone lol. it was me and another person, and boy was I thankful. Sometimes my brain just farts and I can't think of anything to say and bam other person to the rescue haha.

But one more person I got a chance to talk to was Cornelius. This one touched me, and I actually got a picture with him. He talked about somethings I connect with him on. He doesn't go to church cause he does things he knows are wrong and he doesn't want to play with God as he put it. Wrong idea of course, but... I felt him. He also has some problems with his wife and kids cause they are catholic and he is protestant, also understandable problem. But he was pretty honest with us. Straightforward too. And I think he respected God on a deeper level than many Christians do... granted twisted idea of God, but I think you get what I mean. But ya... cute older guy.

So many random stories... haha. One other one would have to be Steve's car got broken into and laptops were stolen, but he just passed it off. Even As Miss Linda prayed, she talked about how she hopes the thieves don't rest easy and they return the laptops and that the thieves would read the scripture found on the laptops and be led to Jesus. SICKKK.

And I guess in closing, first year... when we prayed over potomac gardens... something inside me broke and I couldn't stop crying. This year that same feeling happened again. Not that feelings are all that matters... but I think I finally cared for them more in the way that God does. Me the cynical me. And the funny thing is the night before I prayed and cried, I prayed that God would help me to pray with that kind of conviction... and He did.

There were some annoyances on this trip like any other. But I don't feel like going into them to be honest. They weren't that big, and I'm too tired to rant.

Best Coin Ever Spent
Just watched this... and it raised my spirits.

The J J brother's Dad spoke today, aka the man who's a member of a most blessed clan, who I one day would like to be like... of course Jesus. But this man of God... man haha.

Ya, a lot of things on my mind these days. In part cause I'm graduating so soon. Literally 1.5 months away. And what then... who knows. haha. It's finally hitting me. Also, got a crap ton of work that I just don't want to do. I think tonight, and maybe night time in general used to be something I liked, but now it's when my heart just feels heavy. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Small. Alone. And yet I still pray to God knowing He is there, and that's what I cling to. Cause it's all I can cling to.

Also A Christ Centered Relationship Part 1
There's three parts. Listen to them all. I've only listened to part 1 and it's really really really good.
One quote from Lisa "The more invward you focus, the more miserable you will become." 

I guess I took a long enough break. This was good, helped me to relax some and fulfilled one of the things I said I would do. I might post more reflections later if I feel led to, but we'll see. I dunno if I'll be blogging for a while. I just feel... ya haha who knows. Oh random, frisbee might not work out cause of signing up issues which are my fault. Freaking... I'm so stupid. But oh well. Sports are... not that important to be honest, but winning that mini soccer tournament yesterday was cool hahaha. Glory to God though. I'm really realizing that everything is a gift from God. Peace out world till the next time I post.

Abortion

Coming up a lot these days. And I agree it's wrong. Biblically and morally, I think it's wrong.

But when I saw this response from a guy on youtube... it's challenging. This guy and his wife, had been trying to have a baby and basically their baby would be born defective, not only physically but missing organs, and it was guaranteed to die. So what do you do? Both he and his wife chose to abort the child. And yes this get's into so many other issues like Euthanasia can be brought into this topic too. But still... as wrong as abortion is, I honestly can't help but feel for them.

In the midst of suffering for some who is a non-Christian what is our response to them? Cause the response he got was Christians picketing right outside the abortion center calling them out. But his situation... what do you say? Yes go through the birthing process cause it's right and then watch your child die before your very eyes knowing that it is in complete agony? Granted I don't know a lot about abortion so I'm sure whatever way it's done is super painful for the child inside the stomach, but still.

When faced with questions like these how do we or I as a Christian respond? If I were in that situation what would I do? Ideally... I guess go in prayer and be with my wife and have the child. And then as broken as we would be, God would redeem. But for a non-Christian... ya I dunno man.

I think with all social issues, cry out against them. Declare they wrong for the glory of God, but I think for me I lose sight of humanity all too quickly. I try to brush aside feelings and say sorry here's the truth, and I lose compassion.

Now if it's for a plethora of reasons I can argue against abortion, but for cases where the child is guaranteed death within a couple of days of birth, I dunno. Should I soften my voice or continue to decry it? Well I'll decry it, but I think I would really soften my voice. I would really go to God in prayer...

But ya, random thoughts from a boy haha. Please email me if you have thoughts about cases like this cause I'm really curious. Maybe this heart of compassion is what needs to be in every case not just in the one I mentioned above. Maybe that heart should always be there for the families, for the institutions that cause it and more, not one of justice seeking but saving through the Gospel.

Sorry

So I said I would post about the real stuff like the real stuff that touched about Little Lights today, but sorry. :(

Today was filled with productivity, then a stretch of relaxation/frisbee/chilling. Then work. And now sleep so I can get up early to do work and get a haircut with Mr. I.

Tomorrow I found out about TFA. Honestly... thinking another rejection, and if I'm not rejected here probably in final round. Do I even know if I would take it? Part of me wants to. Like really wants to. Part of me is freaking scared out of my mind about it... cause if I do actually do it... gonna be so hard. But... I'm getting tired of applying for jobs, and honestly I might just go overseas like I've said before, but it'd be like a 2 year commitment... crazy. How would I change in those two years? How would other people change? Would I be able to do the things I want to do? Take care of the things that I want to take care of? I dunno.

Today... I felt pretty lonely. I've been realizing that... when I move on from UVA it's only going to get harder, and if I do go overseas... ya... But it's good. I'm reminding myself to fight for Christ, and to really die to these stupid feelings. I hope that I can really be a good Christian. Someone that people say ya, he lives for Christ haha. But even if they don't, if I'm living for Christ and He approves, that's good enough.

Little Lights really reminded me about prayer, and I hope that you (whoever you are) are praying lol. Like really praying, but ya side note. Peace out. Too many "questions of irrelevance are testing my intelligence," so I need to sleep (quote from Gowe haha). Allsoooo, take a look at the stars sometime. When I do... I find myself being still before something majestic. I hope that you have something that helps you do that too.

Little Lights Part 1

Where to begin... I know from Day 1.

So... we had to split cars because people had to drop their cars off, and I was the only who could drive up to DC from UVA, but ya it worked out cause we met up with Tech and they helped drive people.

So after a good but tiring Spring Retreat, we drove up. Ate at A and T. There's a brief fb video. And ya fast forward and the first day ends at the end of Monday. It hit me... one thing it was my birthday. A date to mark a sinner living another full year in this world. Sadness. And we didn't do anything, but it's better that way. Reminder that God is all I need. Even today I'm fighting to remind myself it's all about God. And still God is good and redeems terrible people like me. Honestly, I was somewhat grumpy cause I was tired, and something I really wanted to do on this trip was street evangelism and prayer walks after each day, but we didn't. Honestly, it was for the better though. I'm trying to summarize from my journal entries that I wrote during that week, so sorry if it the post is disconnected.

But ya, this year we stayed in the apt building that LL owns cause they had two vacancies. It was nice, they were partially furnished and meant better sleeping for the most part. I ended up sleeping in this side room that was cold for most of the trip cause it was the quietest and no one wanted to sleep there, but it was more uncomfortable than other places. No biggie though. And to any who are wondering they had to open apt so girls were in one and guys the other. Also no internet there except briefly when I got to use it for hw.

This trip was full of... nostalgia and sadness to be honest. It probably shall be my last one, at least with a UVA and Tech team. God... has worked so powerfully through LL over the past 3-4 years, and honestly... even as I think about it, it serves as a powerful testimony and reminder of God's power for me personally. LL has a green clean team, aka landscapers formed from adults that reside in Potomac Gardens to give them a job. And they got this huge contract to redo part of Potomac Gardens and make it prettier... so sick. I dunno if you understand how awesome this is... but it's incredible. LL has Bible studies with the adults, parent mentoring classes, and hired more staff from Potomac Gardens. It's just beautiful. And there's even hints of more growth, but I'm not allowed to share it. Honestly... man. God using faithful people right there.

Also I saw some kids at middle school today who I remember in elementary school, and I was like wow. :) God is good. Granted they forgot me... but that's expected at this point. No one remembers me... I was surprised Mary and Linda remembered me finally... haha. No bitterness though. Honestly.

"I'm reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit. Truly it is the power of the Holy spirit that must be at work, and that is at work. I just wish... I could serve longer. But why... cause it keeps me from thinking about other things? Cause it helps me love God more? ya... but I feel like there's a lot of selfishness in it that I really need to let go of. But God willing it shall. I feel more dependent on God the past couple days, but I want it to be sustained and expressed in a meaningful way."

Just a quote after the first day to express some of my thoughts.

I shall post more about what made this trip different tomorrow night haha. I'm giddy (stupidly so) cause I'm just remembering how good God was on this trip... and I'm like antsy. Need to transfer that energy to prayer though. Lots of things to pray for... so many. Honestly... part of me just wants to staff at LL for a year. But ya... can't tell if I hate the thought of working for a private company... or I'm called to ministry earlier than I thought... Sorry this post is all over the place. I'm tired and a lot of work to do still... sigh. But ya... pray for LL.

Also, Gowe's cd is sick. If you don't mind spending some money to support a small artist you should listen to some of his songs on youtube, and if you like it buy his album.

Wouldn't It Be Beautiful If

One thing I realized over the past couple months.

Wouldn't it be cooler if instead of going on beach week, a class decided to serve for a week? Sigh. Beach week is really dumb in my opinion, it has the potential for something beautiful I won't deny it. But... if anything it's like a narrow path and a wide one haha. Wide for being a waste.

But serving is a gift from God, it's an opportunity. So why not do it instead? Of course this is idealistic cause not everyone wants to serve. Not everyone should serve in the same ways as other people. Etc. Sometimes it's worse for a short term missions to come then if they had not come.

But wouldn't it be beautiful? Wouldn't it be beautiful if we didn't restrict helping others out to just spring break or maybe winter break or summer break, but we found ways to involve it all year round?

Honestly, I've gotten closer to people I've gone on service trips with than others. And I decided to go to beach week on a whim cause it's the last one, and already I'm regretting it. Maybe... I'll just go back to Little Lights by myself or something. Who knows.

It's funny though. My mindset for the previous two years was completely different concerning beach week. I looked forward to it, although I only went once. But now... haha. How fickle am I...

Ya... I just feel like serving is cooler. And interestingly enough, it helped me work harder over the past couple days-ish or at least more efficiently. If you are an underclass and reading this, don't think there are but just in case, next year try to go on a service trip instead of beach week. Maybe keep it somewhat less intense than Hana, but like even Habitat or something. I dunno... if you do LL make sure you do prayer walks and try to just talk to people in the city and maybe share the Gospel with them, and if not that just share the love of Christ through actions. But ya... this is the end of my rant/thought.

In the end, God be praised. In prayer and petition I shall lift up my requests, and I just ask that You would lead me. Do not let my cynicism and foolishness detract from the fact that You are great and work beyond all ways that I can understand. Let me focus more on You and less on me or my thoughts. In Jesus name, amen.

Spring Retreat

I'll start off (probably only two posts on spring break) with describing Spring Retreat.

Sadly... probably one of my last ones, if not last. Crazy... Alums came tho, which was nice. But even better was of course God.

Honestly... already some of the details of the retreat are fuzzy, which makes me sad, but it's okay. Pastor DL came with a RH leading worship. Along with RH came TH and their baby AH, honestly... one of the most adorable children I have ever viewed... I was dying every time I saw that girl. She was just so cute. If I ever have a baby that cute... man. What am I saying, if I ever have a baby that baby will be cuter than AH in my eyes haha. But key words... if I ever. Regardless, the alum female drummer JH came, along with elec JK, bassist, NP and his gf on keyboard/vocals JK, and GP on vocals as well.

Lots of alums came, a CL, photo/cook CJ, JK Senior, volleyball BH, SK from the good old RVA, and I think that's it...

DL is a master at telling good segues, like a beast. One minute laughing and joking, and then bam... super serious. That was a delightful roller coaster in of itself. But his messages were powerful (thanks be to God).

He began with the Gospel, re-iterating the same passage PIJ spoke on the previous Sunday, Luke 23:38-43.
1) Nobody is too lost for God, nobody is too far from God.
2) It is not too late to turn to God.
But from those main points, he spoke powerfully, reinforcing many things we know to be true but we often overlook.

Continuing on he spoke from Malachi 3:1-4, talking about trials and being refined. Once again reaffirming the blessings of trial and how God wants to refine us and He shall. And during that time, never ever did God leave you.

Then a brief seminar about how we need to look out for others, help out others, bring out the best in others, and reach out to others. He used Barnabas as the prime example as to how Barnabas helped to make Paul how great he was. Barnabas means son of encouragement, and his real name was Joseph. Despite his pedigree of being unable to serve God in the traditional way of a Levite because he was born in a gentile land he went out and saw the need for help. Barnabas supports Paul even though the apostles deny him initially. Barnabas also used to be the leader of Paul and was not afraid to step down and let Paul need. And one of the last things is that Barnabas parts with Paul to go with Mark (go figure) who was rejected by Paul because he wanted to reach out to Mark to help him because he believed in Mark's repentance. Cause he abandoned others at one point.
Aka Barnabas... is legit, and we overlook him, but honestly, I think he likes that. And that's been part of my prayers lately. If people see me, and forget me, but remember God, that is the best possible outcome (or maybe best is they remember me too... but probably not, remembering only God is the best).

Saturday night was focused on what does it mean to be a follower of Christ drawing from Luke 5:1-11.
1) Jesus constantly separates the disciples from the crowds. Aka either with Jesus or not with Him.
2) Every disciple is called to mission.
3) Following Jesus comes with a prize.
He mentioned a humbling thing about serving. We don't get have to serve, we GET to serve. And we should pray for faith to act properly, not necessarily for safety. We need the assurance of Christ to be upon our soul. Granted he doesn't support stupidity, but just a small distinction in thought process.

Finally Sunday service was from Matthew 22:34-40. Where he stated, "Our fellowship problems at the core are worship problems." Bam.

Of course there's more but that's a general outline. I can email a more concrete list of notes if you so desire.

Honestly, this retreat was great. Maybe because I came in actively praying to God that I would lay down this side of me that is so afraid of emotions. Maybe because it was the last one. Or maybe cause... I realized what it means for God to be someone who loves me faults and all, unconditionally (and even this I haven't fully grasped). Regardless... it was wonderful. Also PIJ put a stronger emphasis on prayer time, which I think was really really really good.

My small group was really good. Guitar master DS, first year tennis/LOL man KQ and JK Senior. All these descriptors are cause I think I might forget the initials... lol. But ya, I think we were pretty open, and I got closer. Seeing the alums was truly a blessing. I dunno why... but suddenly felt so much less alone.

Did I mention prayer? Haha. Spring retreat reminded me on the importance of prayer and the power of it, and how I often belittle it or just don't prioritize it. Perhaps one of the touching things... was praying and yes crying, but... having a man, NP, who prayed and cried over me... Haha. Even now... I'm happy lol. I think I really get closer to someone by praying for them/with them, even if they don't feel it, and that was ya... beautiful hahaha. I dunno. And I got to really catch up with elec JK, and... ya. Times have changed, but I was glad to see the bond still there.

This retreat in many ways... was a reminder, a closer, an encouragement, and other words. I'm sitting here in this wave of memories right now... man. Hopefully tomorrow will be... either one post on Little Lights or stretched out. Honestly, it might be too much for one post. But ya. Feel free to email if you want more info. The few people that read this have my email... I'm sure. lol. Back to the study grind, maybe after I pray some now.
Crisis Doesn't Create It Only Reveals So much truth in this article. Only just realizing it. Only just realizing so many things. Honestly, as much as I dread each new day, there is joy in it and joy in learning more about the great God.

Last cabin to sleep at a Spring Retreat probs...

Yay back to midterm studying and stuff hahahaha...

Edit: Two good songs, you prob heard them but whatevs. "Scandal of Grace" Hillsong. "One Thing Remains" Stanfill.

And I got Gowe's cd... so good. kk back to work for real.

Incredible Spring Break

Gottemz. Not posting about Spring Break yet. Still need to review some things. Got back in touch with reality yesterday as I finally got on the net again/other things. Got owned... cause already feeling how dissatisfied I am with where I am now... but learning what it means to act here as I did there.

But gottemz, cause not going to type up much tonight. Did a couple hours of work today, relaxed with family. Now sleeping after watching part of Mulan. But wanted to share one of many articles I've been reading to catch up on my google reader.

The Anti Beatitudes As Taught By Satan

Clever and good article based off the beatitudes, you can find them for sure in Matthew, I'm sure in the other Gospels too? But ya... good stuff.

Random note. Don't get super glue stuck on ur hands and get them stuck to each other. Sort of hurts.

But I will post up why Little Lights was great this year... maybe tomorrow. Honestly, beginning to wonder if this blog is worth it cause I journal randomly as well as do this... but blog is good I guess for more memories sake and it's not like Google will die... like my comp might.

Short Hiatus

I've been off on updating my blog.

Not that I've been unable to post, I think just different things going on this past week prevented me from doing so. But we have spring break coming up, which means Spring Retreat and then Little Lights. I've been sort of solo leading this year...random help here and there, don't like it. Lol. I don't want to lead, honestly. I want someone else to lead, preferably a guy and a girl, but M. I and I are the only guys. GCF guys... need to step up a lot. I don't want leadership for this trip to fall apart, so I'm going to have the girls do a lot more I think, but still... I'm graduating and no one to pass the torch too, but then again, God is in control.

Random note: What happened to humor these days? I saw this clip of a juggler who made me laugh somewhat loud in the library despite my efforts not to. But these days most humor is crass or racist, sadly I still laugh, but not as much as I used to. It just... is really stupid.

I've been starring so many articles on Google reader these days, I should probably go and purge some. But that being said... some are encouraging, some are insightful, and some are just practical. My feed has grown by like double or triple... and it's fun lol. Who knew...

Failure Doesn’t Have to Be the Last Word
Insightful article that hits home. And even talks about Mark... whom I resemble in so many ways. Glad to know God still loves us... cause us Marks, fail a lot.

But ya, hiatus cause of break and stuff. I still have some stuff on the back burner that I need to post, but I'm trying to see people some more these days, which might delay it, we'll see.

Hmm... that's all for now. Everyday is still a God... I can't get up, but I get up for Him. Looking forward to retreat... gonna be painful haha, but good.

Our tent we made when CL was here.

Wintery storm.

These are bamboo trees that normally stand straight up, but the snow crushed them.

Pretty.

What'd you do on you snowday? Not much, fulfilled my child hood dream of an igloo lol.

Beauty...

Random note. I'm old, but I still love snow! And even though we lost power, I had a lot of fun on my snow day. I will be sad if I never see snow again.

Procrastinating

I dunno if the title is appropriate, but I just can't focus right now, and I have two quizzes in a couple hours. Sigh. I just have no motivation in anything... these days. It's a struggle to get up and face the day, but God is good and helping me. Honestly, sometimes I feel like an old man who has just bent over with a cane shuffling along. And honestly, it's all my fault. But God is good. And slowly, but surely He's helping me to focus on Him more.
Your Heart Matters More than Your History

Good article. Heart... is more important, not that history is unimportant. But is my heart after God or not?

I have good thoughts that I would like to post, but maybe after my exam and quizzes and stuff. Or maybe before when I procrastinate again... lol.

Interesting Day

Today was incredibly productive, compared to the past couple days. Sad thing is... it needs to have been more productive, but that's okay. If I can repeat it tomorrow I should be in good or excellent shape.

Powerful Question I read today:
So here is a question for you: When you picture Jesus reaching his hands out to you, do you see stone tablets or nail holes?

Powerful excerpts from an article I read as well:
It is undeserved mercy, as indeed all true mercy must be, for deserved mercy is only a misnomer for justice. There was no right on the sinner’s part to receive the kind consideration of the Most High. Had the rebel been doomed at once to eternal fire, he would have richly merited the doom, and if delivered from wrath, sovereign love alone has found a cause, for there was none in the sinner himself.

It is unfailing mercy. It will never leave you. If mercy is your friend, mercy will be with you in temptation to keep you from yielding, with you in trouble to prevent you from sinking, with you living to be the light and life of your countenance, and with you dying to be the joy of your soul when earthly comfort is ebbing fast.


PIJ also talked about a similar message today, speaking from Luke 23:32-43. He was on point, thanks be to God lol. Two things that stuck out to me:
1) Those criminals had been condemned by the world. No one wanted them in the slightest. Everyone wanted them gone, and as such they were going to die upon the Cross. And that is what execution in, abandonment by the world to where they prefer you dead.
2) The criminal who called out to Jesus had a life full of crimes, and he had no opportunity to do good. He was about to die. No opportunity to do any of the "Christian" things. Yet God said to him you will be in Heaven.

All these quotes and PIJ's message... flowed man. Actually reverse order lol, I listened to PIJ first then read the articles, but order isn't that important. But ya... reminders of the Cross.

Even in the past couple days, I was reminded of my faults and failures once again. I'm reminded how we must struggle to die to ourselves, and part of me wants to give up I can't lie. But part of me comes back to the Cross and says here I am. You are all I want and need. And that's all I can do. I can't serve my way in to salvation. I can't do anything right. Only God can.

Also a note fell out of my Bible today 2 Corinthians 3:17-18.
17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Now I don't support random verses and stuff... but this goes along with something I've been reminded of as well. How the Spirit needs to work...

I've got so much growing to do. So much in me needs to be reworked. So much of me is unfit for anything o anyone. But God... still wants me. And that's all I can rely. I really can't understand how atheists operate. If I didn't have Christ... I wouldn't have anything in my life.

Random side note. Went to clemons today... lol. Been a while. Still sucks to study there, but it was nice seeing people. I might try to do it randomly again, not when I have this much work though haha. Good night world, there's much I need to write out to rethink but another night.






Actually, second side note. I lost my evernote account... sigh. I accidentally typed in my email address wrong when I signed up, and I had to relog in but forgot my password and lost everything o.O. So frustrating cause some of it was personal and good and stuff... oh well. Technology 0, journals 1 haha.

Dream Baby

Most random post ever, but I don't want to forget completely lol.

Today I woke up when I was supposed to, but fell back asleep and I dreamed one of the more vivid dreams i've had in a while. Lots of people from GCF were in it/some people I know for the first time. Crazy, we traveled around to some random building. Someone said they could hear things, but the highlight was the most freaking cute baby in the world.

so for one part, i was in a flooded city with my younger brother, but we were both younger for some reason. and i was taking care of him and he fell asleep so i had to carry him, but he was so cute (not that he isn't now).

and all of a sudden i was at school (different apt, but same roommates) and someone left a baby in front of our house. no info, but a name. first name started with a g, I want to say last name started with a c, but for some reason on the note it said call him Bill. i remember taking him around dancing to praise music with him lol, for a brief part of the dream, I had taken him to a retreat.

Ya my dreams are weird... or at least this one. But babies are really cute... sigh. i sound like a girl or something... peace.