It's already been a week since Little Lights, and I have many mixed feelings. I wish I was still at Little Lights. the entire time I was studying for my exams this week, I struggled with how can this be important. What is the importance of these tests, when I could be serving at Little Lights? But for me, one thing is being satisfied in the small things. I have a purpose here at UVA, and even studying can be used to glorify God, but it's so hard in light of the service trip. But another problem is that I need to be careful not to place so much of who I am in my works. Just because I was there and serving does not make me more worthy of God or His grace. I struggle with this a lot. So yes, serving there was an incredible blessing. But, being here is also a place to be a servant of God, and I need to fully embrace that.
But going back to Little Lights, I still feel so blessed by the trip. Little Lights doesn't have videos like Hana sadly... the videos are in my head. Haha. For one of my classes, I have chosen to receive counseling weekly for 6 weeks. So far it's been really interesting, but today my counselor closed our discussion with talking about how an error that many people commit, is that we look at the outside of people and compare that to the our inside. As in, there are times when I say look at how happy those people are, why can't I be more like that. Or these people seem to have it all together, and I say why can't I be the same. But in reality, I don't know about their internal struggles or lack of struggles unless I ask. I might look at someone and be like, dang so holy, but maybe they are struggling and in need of someone just to talk to them. (Hopefully this makes sense.)
To bring that back to Little Lights, as stated before the staff shared a lot about their testimonies, and why they serve. For me, I was looking at their outside as servants and assumed man these people are super busy, and stressed, but they seem to be happy, why can't I happy like that. But I learned so much more about them, like their daily struggles, why they strive so hard, and even learned about the struggles of the kids. Being able to understand more of their inside makes all the difference. Now they are people that I feel like I can approach, not just overseers that I report to. Haha.
In closing, I honestly wish I was still serving there. Everyday I felt like, God I'm doing this for you. The desperation I felt for God then was so powerful, but already I have begun to become complacent. Already, I take things for granted, and I struggle to seek God faithfully. But, I find myself taking heart for some reason. I feel almost encouraged by this struggle because I want to take it on.... haha. No I'm not a masochist, but every time I struggle, I feel the grace of God working, and I come out stronger. So yes in many ways, I am still riding the high of Spring Retreat and Spring Service trip, but more than that, I have come back to the foundation in Christ. Christ... is greater than anything in this world, and when I take the time to reflect on this, to really remember, the peace and joy I receive is unmatched by anything. Although.... winning frisbee is fun. haha.
Alright this is all over the place, but in closing. Little Lights is awesome. Jesus is more awesome. I need to take joy in serving here in whatever ways I can. Just because I can specifically say I served at Little Lights does not make it greater in God's eyes than serving Him faithfully everyday here. I hope everything makes sense, and if I said anything wrong please correct me. Hope you all are doing well.
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