Bonhoeffer
There's an organic consistency between what comes out of my heart and what comes out of my mouth. The struggle of words is a struggle of kingdoms. A war between the kingdom of self and the kingdom of God.
Paul Tripp
You know what makes me sad? The navy yard shooting is indeed a tragedy. But it is also normal for many different people in this world. That kind of constant fear... is normal for them. Crazy... Flags at half staff, shouldn't we in reality just always do that then? Or does the fact that it involved American citizens make all the difference? Our people. Our people? Who are our people?
Yesterday at sys theo we laughed as we described Mormon theology. In one sense, yes it's laughable. But they sincerely believe it, and if you think about it we just look like total a**holes laughing at them. Do we love them and our heart breaks for them, or do we get haughty and laugh at them? Do we laugh at cults or do we learn from them and reach out to them? Let's be real, Mormons know what's up when it comes to sincerely following their religion, far better than us Christians. But then that's legalism right? Haha... oh sin, you so clever. Or maybe it's just the my mind that loves to play circles with me.
On a completely different note. I'm questioning my sanity. I'm spending $120 to get a pass to the afc for four months. Price wise, that's fine with me. But the main motivation is... so I can play IM frisbee. I have defected to another team that used to be our rival in GCF, well at least back when we still had CW, AK, JO, DP, TP, and company. Last year, GCF got wrecked by them, but no worries. I'm getting so hyped up for an IM frisbee game... sigh. I need to get better so I can play on a higher level, but that gap between where I'm at now and to get to a point where I could legitimately play on a team is huge... pretty much impossibly huge. Main issue is physical limitations, I could get so much better but in the end... I'm short. Oh well, at least I can still pickup and random leagues.
Do I have answers for my recent of depressive thoughts? Do I need an answer? I want one. I have inklings. But as someone reminded me last night, do the answers really matter? In one sense know, cause Christ is everything. When we say He is enough, when we say be my everything, that's the inherent quality. So yes I will continue to flesh out my thoughts, my reactions, etc. but all the while striving to stay at peace. And even if I lose peace, to at least continue to praise.
What I miss most is community. But hopefully... within the next month I will have finally found the church that I will commit to. Praise be to God.
Speaking of crazy... at some point I was thinking of spending basically 6-7 thousand dollars on a camera body. I thought about how I would save up, and buy it eventually, and finally I woke up. I can do that. I totally could, but it's stupid. I'm not rich enough and as much as I love taking pictures, what I can do with that much money is ridiculous. Sigh. Goodbye another dream of mine. That stupid cult, elitist side of me, that beautiful craftsmanship and engineering mastery and dedication to detail, goodbye. Haha... I mean I could always get the cheaper film body, but film is dying slowly. I'm riding the curtail of it. Plus, their lenses are so expensive... gg. If I was rich heck ya. But... I'm not, nor do I intend to ever be. But the things I have I like and enjoy, so it's all good.
But isn't that life? Finding dreams, goals, and then fulfilling some and retiring so many others. So many... oh reality, you aren't always fun you know?
At least I can find joy in frisbee. Can't play on a legit team, but I can still play and have fun, and that's enough. Am I settling on things? Meh, I find peace, satisfaction, and joy in these things, so who cares right? And yes... I wrote this at work. Slow days give me time to do things like this haha.
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