Toilet.

"I didn't know that question still dominated my heart. But I was working so hard to be a submissive wife, to be a good mom, to be a good Christian. I thought I understood grace, but I was still desperately trying to be good enough. God graciously used a miscarriage to level me. He confronted my scars head-on and then he lifted my eyes once again to see his Son—his very Son whose nail-scarred hands paid for my sin in full."

Put the above quote as anyone serving... humbling.

Good and Angry- Paul Tripp
Legit.

When to Stay and When to Run- Kevin DeYoung

The person who comes into a fellowship because he is running away from himself is misusing it for the sake of diversion, no matter how spiritual this diversion may appear.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I haven't blogged for a while. Hello again. How are you? Life... is progressing. Nice things here and there. Not so nice things here and there. Lots of info flowing around in my head, but ultimately... ultimately what? I don't know. Well I do, ultimately God. Let's end it here right?

Syria used chemical weapons. Syria used chemical weapons. Dang... the world watches. USA votes for action. People are against it. Conflict of interest, conflict of facts. People are playing stupid games with people's lives for the sake of politics. What the heck? It drives me up the wall. I'm sad and then I'm furious. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST STOP FOR ONE SECOND AND LET GO OF THEIR STUPID PRIDE AND JUST... stop. Why can't the developed nations just stop for a one second... and cry. Why can't we extend a hand? Samsung released a new smartwatch ooo... etc. etc.  Why do we spend so much time on things that aren't as important? And I'm guilty of this too. Something cool comes up, and I lose sight. And inside I cry. I cry at my lack of empathy. I cry at my lack of love. I cry... because I feel so helpless. And then... I move on. What am I, but human? Sigh...

Rome and Juliet, as stupid as the premise is sometimes I wonder how different am I? How many times have I longed for suicide, for death over what others might consider trivial? How many more times must it continue? But then for them and for me, it wasn't trivial. It was/is important. Thoughts swirl through my mind ultimately cause... I'm exhausted.

I went to LG and then to WahooRU. And it was nice. It was fun. But seeing that many people drained me. Exhausted me to the core. And left me sad. That place isn't my home anymore. They say you're welcome, but my niche is gone. My role is over. Now I drift in and out... and that's it? That's it. But then this is my choice. This was my decision, live with it right? My mindset is just weird.

Thoughts twirl in and out, like a toilet that doesn't stop it just swirls and swirls and swirls.

I'm getting a work laptop yay. Feels more professional now. Really that necessary? No. But it feels cooler.

Questions that flow in my head about things going on in my life.

And then full circle, humanity. Why? Back and forth. Back and forth. Am I smart? No... I'm dumb. I've done dumb things. I don't think things clearly or well. I'm just average. My pride says above average. But I'm an average guy.

Sigh, there are good things though guys. Staunton was soo much fun. Oh you went? Yes I did go. Go if you have a chance. Watch a play. Walk around. Relax.

Relax? What does that mean? What does that entail? I think my mind... is just shutting down and going haywire. What I need... is a hug. A place to rest my head. Scratch that... what I need... is a shower. Haha. Peace out. Hope you guys are well. But... pray for Syria. Pray for Egypt. Cry my friends. Make sure you haven't lost your humanity in this country we call home.