Throughout the day... I have some aha moments. But then I forget, maybe that means they aren't that aha? But... at the time I feel like a genius haha. But I'm not.
I'm stupid. My emotions sweep past me at times despite my best to control, and I'm left wondering what's wrong with me. Shouldn't x, y, and z happen? Logically makes sense. Or maybe my logic is faulty... and I'm more human than I wish at times. Well my logic is often faulty when my emotions are involved. Let's be real. I can be really stupid. Haha.
Why can I laugh it off right now? Besides I'm trying my best to remind myself, about Jesus. And it hurts you know. Someone on fbook posted unconditional love hurts. It does...
Work is so boring. And what I'm going to be doing is even more boring... but I have a job. I can provide for myself. Feed younguns. Save money. For what? TBD. But I can. I can pay for housing, I can pay for bills. I can pay for car issues (which.... blows like no other). God is gracious. I don't deserve this job. I deserve any job. I really don't. But I am going to work hard. When I have assignments, I think I work pretty hard. I've been studying SQL, which... is fun haha. I'm learning to talk to other people, laugh with them. Watch them work, try to analyze them to be honest. But it's new. Honestly let's be real. Hanging out with mainly Asians is annoying. It was beautiful at first cause I spent my whole life with paegins (using korean cause... ya). And then finding asians, let alone koreans was like praise God. People know my background. But... in general koreans have their own thought process and actions. And I want to learn more now about others. Like I said, people are fascinating.
RANDOM
But Jesus... ya. I like reading blogs. I like personal blogs the best. Christian blogs are nice... but I'm realizing books are better. So I'll read blogs throughout the day randomly, but I want to finish two books by the end of July. We'll see how it works out. This is to remind myself to stay on track. If you have one, update your personal blog please.
But back to life... I'm still working out so many kinks. And I will till I die... There's a story in this book I'm reading. A man is trying to help a friend and basically is saying... God knows what you are going through and he lets you go through it. In the end you will have so much joy with God and in God that it would blow your mind if you knew, and isn't that worth it? (Paraphrasing like crazy). And the author is recounting yes.
There are times when I would say heck ya. Leggo. And... there are many times, when I just want to toss the towel in. Well in one sense I do. But God is gracious. God is loving... and brings me back, so I can remember that it's worth it. This doesn't give me immediate healing. I'm not suddenly ooo rainbows and butterflies haha. But... it's comforting. My emotions, my mind runs amuck. I feel stress on the back of my mind a lot lately. I exercise cause I stop feeling it and no matter how much I think about it, it's there and I can't figure it out. But God is good.
Forgiven- Matt Chandler Sermon Jam
Got this from a friend. It's short, listen to it.
There's something I'm dying to say... but I can't quite place my finger on it yet. Sorry guys. One day.
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