Cleaning

Today, I took care of some stuff I should have done a long time.

I also celebrated a record. My inbox is down to 1 unread message. Crazy right? Well if you knew my inbox. You'd know it's crazy.

I've been reading the news lately at work everyday, it's depressing. Bad news makes money though I guess. But so many trolls commenting too. Read an article about a man my age who was killed and the reason for murder? The 3 teens just wanted to kill someone. First comment is little troll making light of the situation. Freaking jerk. But ya... it's sorta depressing.

You know what guys, I'm tired of everything. So I feel bad for that person who was killed, and the other part of me says why couldn't I have been targeted? Haha... half joking here. Guess I'm a jerk troll too making light of the situation, when really it's saddening.

A friend confronted me a couple days ago, and said I sometimes like a hero. Not in a good way, but in the sense of I want to help others but don't want to receive help. Yes, yes it's true. I would die for you, but if you died for me, I'd contemplate suicide many many times in response. I want to give, and not receive. But the reality is, I'm more of a villain. I'm just so good at it that I deceive myself and others. Brilliant. Not only that... I can't help anyone. I just can't.

I'm done blogging for a while. Thanks for reading, the few who do. Contact me more openly if you care to. If not, that's fine too. Peace out.