Tears

Often times, I leave home crying... funny right. I used to do that when I was a little kid. Every time I left my biological dad or any of his family members. I'd cry.

Why? Because I loved them? Because I was sad? Because I hated everything that seemed to be against me and kept from being with people I cared about? Because I hated how I had to carefully navigate every thought, answer, phrase, anything that involves the opposite parties while around them?

Honestly... it's cause I loved them.

And like I said I love my family now more than I ever have before. My brother... is still a child. And I hate how he really wants me to be home, but I can't. I hate seeing that look in his eyes when I'm leaving. And you might laugh... so what. I never wanted to do that to him, like I had to go through, but at the same time I'm comforted. I know that we love each other. The same applies to my parents, but of course... we're older haha. We don't show that in front of each other. We awkwardly fumble around for words to express something we both mutually know. God has redeemed so much when it comes to my concept of family.

I believe children are the most impressionable people... if that makes sense... and I want to be apart of helping if I can. Be it through serving or anything. That being said, I got rejected from teaching already... so do I retry or not? TBD. lol.

Random thought... I'm trying a thing now where I really think about what I say or do, instead of going on impulse like I normally would. Well not for all things, but at least some were very impulsive. We'll see how it works out. Being mature sucks guys... but it's the right thing. And... in the end what gives God glory is far more important, than my stupid, absolutely foolish, mind/feelings.

Lots of ups and downs today, but God remains constant.