Work Is Hard

Work hasn't even gotten hard for me, so they say. And it's already hard. Everyone I'm working with is new to SNL pretty much, but really experienced overall. And I'm just a newbie, and I feel so inadequate haha. On top of that, there's just so much to learn. Like so much... It's sorta interesting but really tiring. Tomorrow I have meetings/training from 9-2 straight, not including all the on my own training I have to continue to do prob until I leave at 6. Am I complaining? ya... haha. Also sharing.

Working is humbling and scary. For the next (however many years I work, at least corporately) I will go every day except for like 15 ish vacation days, plus the odd holidays. Crazy stuff right there. Honestly... that's really crazy if you think about it.

You think you live for the weekends, when you are student, but as an adult it's worse. Granted there are some perks. You get paid... and so far I'm eating far healthier and more frugal than I have for a long time. Granted I ate out a lot the past couple weeks which was bad health wise and money wise, but I'm learning a lot. Getting better at planning meals etc.

But it's weird how fast my day disappears. I get home, I chill. Maybe see someone. Exercise, and a little more free time and then bam time to sleep. I have been humbled greatly.

And... it's lonely/nice leaving alone. Lonely cause you wish you could come home to someone, maybe laugh maybe argue, but just know they are there (preferably a spouse), but it's nice cause my mess is all mine. If I clean, it stays clean. And remarkably for the most part, I'm cleaner.

Yet... i can't help but feel sad. I feel overwhelmed cause I think I'd enjoy doing manual labor more to be honest or cooking or something. This just feels artificial, yet I plan on continuing to do this until... I go to school or seminary or something. No I'm not holy or anything... I wish I was. I wish I was... who I want to be haha. But I'm not... nor will I be so let's just focus on the hear and now. Tomorrow I have to get up and continue. I have little things all around me to take care of. And in the end... I'm realizing I need God. So thank you God. Thank you. And help me Lord, cause I know it's only going to get harder.

EDIT
Yes I sound whiny haha. I'm an immature brat I know. But just humor me please. lol.