Monday Musings

Today, GCF IM basketball ended.  It was fun seeing people play though, and I hope that they are happy even with the loss.  I hope that I can be happy tomorrow, win or lose after soccer as well.  I can say hi to people on a regular basis now, who I felt awkward around before so I think that's a sign.  Plus, I think a MC and I will be trying to talk to a guy who came to soccer and see if he wants to try out GCF/evangelize to him.  yay!

I went to MNL today with Chi Alpha.  I'm glad I went.  I'm sad I never went before, and now our class prayer meetings, which have finally started again (ptl), coincide with it, which is a bummer.  But I'll probably alternate between both.

MNL is just different, and it's refreshing.  A lot like the modern day church, like you know Mark Driscoll or ya services like him.  There are some over churches I can envision but can't think of names.  (Btw random, Mark Driscoll is young... legit lol).  But ya, a woman shared about "Mission of Hope Bolivia."
http://www.missionofhopebolivia.org/
I was moved.  Honestly how everything worked out was in God's plan.  And she even went through surgery and treatment for breast cancer, while fundraising.  I feel like there's so much in her story, but the time was limited... but I was like dang, God is so sick.  Haha.  I think what they captured was a true way of serving God.  They provide much needed care for the people, but they also actively share the Gospel to all the patients everyday.  It's like here's medicine and treatment for your physical body and your soul.  And they expanded to an orphanage and another clinic, and it's just powerful.  Just check out their site...  Btw, she has a beautiful marriage with her husband haha.  The little stories she tossed in of him were cute.

I want... to be able to devote myself to God in such a way.  Yes it starts here, in the small things.  Dying to myself everyday.  Fighting my insecurities.  Fighting... myself lol.  The more I try to reach out, the more scared I become, but instead of becoming scared and backing away, I need to throw myself into the arms of Jesus all the more.  sigh... so many things floating in the back of my mind.  So many things... so much sadness, so much fear, so much hatred of myself still.  I still wonder does loving Jesus, entail forgiving myself?  Cause I don't think I can, actually I don't think I even want to.  I have more joy these days, so far it's continuing by the grace of God, but I feel like this question is important.

Also my religion, ethics, and environment class is finally starting to pose some interesting and powerful questions, I'm literally like whoahhh crazy.  I wish I could read and argue like this for my life hahaha.  Sike... I want to be doing something but this is sorta cool and disturbing and interesting all at the same time.  More to come at another time.