Postponing the Emo

Postponing the emo post once again... although this one has some emo-ness.

Once again got some more rejections, but this time it's one that I thought I had a shot at. Honestly, I might be spending a year in the Philippines. Lol... O well. It can be good. I can worry what I'll do after that later I guess. We'll see, a couple more prospects where I think I have a chance left.

Today was another pretty productive day, but tomorrow needs to be super productive. Gotta study it up so I can do well on these tests. Sigh. Not too worried about stat test, but math is sort of worrying me. I had something insightful planned, but forgot.

I can't tell if I'm happier the past day or so, or delirious, or maybe I'm learning what it means to have a God like perspective. I hope last one... but time will tell.

I talked about Gowe before, but I really like him a lot. I might buy this album. He's got an interesting background, and I just have a lot of respect for him. He's Christian too, although not all his songs reflect it.
http://gowe.bandcamp.com/album/summer-breeze-sonatas
Link to some of his backstory

I dunno if you guys do this, but I fear a lot about murderers. During sermons or lectures if I can't focus, I think of a situation where someone comes in with a gun intending to kill someone and what would I do. Would I charge at him, would I duck and roll, would I hold a book or Bible in the hopes it would slow the bullet down? Would I stab him with a pencil or pen, punch him, kick him, etc. Interestingly enough it always with me dying and everyone's safe lol. I mean I have those fears at home tho too, except not as heroic. First fear isn't a monster, it's did someone break in, how do I react. This is just a random and honest confession. I want my death to mean something, and for the longest time I wanted cremation, to be thrown in the ocean and forgotten. But I think I'd rather be buried with no coffin so at least my body can decompose and nourish the land. But who knows... Realistically I won't ever get in a fight in the way I imagine or die in the way I imagine. At least not here, elsewhere, it's entirely conceivable.

I've found a lot of new artists lately and most are from Nashville, truly the land of musicians, so interesting how everyone moves there. Dang... this post is entirely random and all over the place. So many things on my mind, but I think I my body is forcing myself to take a break at least until my exams are done. Nice brain/defense mechanism.