A Bottle

We, like bottles can only take so much.  At some point we are too full or we burst.  Actually this isn't the best analogy cause I don't think we should hold things inside at all, but I think the point is sort of made.

It's like our emotions... if I have to cry I can only hold it in for so long.  If I have to scream I can only hold it for so long.  If I want to rage I can only hold it in for so long.  And when it's all focused on me.... I can barely make it to my room.

My room is my room of solitude, of reflection, of pain, of repentance, and ultimately where I have to come back to Christ every hour.

Being broken for one's sins is painful.  Like I said before I walk a thin line between sanity and insanity.  The Word repairs me, exercising relaxes me, Jesus is there for me, but still... I'm so fragile.  But I've realized I can be honest with God.  I can be completely honest with Him and then come back to Him.

All I have is Christ.  All I ever will have is Christ.  All I need is Christ.  All I ever will need is Christ.
This is my litany these days.  I remind myself cause when I forget, I begin to be overwhelmed, but broken I come back every time and I find rest.  I find peace.  I find hope.  None of which I can produce on my own.

I'm realizing what it means to value Christ above all else.  And in the end like I said above, that's all I will ever need.

Death is a gift from God for where we depart and move into His presence completely.  I do not fear it.  Nor should I welcome it as an escape tool.  I will die when I am appointed to, until then... I will fight my way to Christ day after day.

Yes, I'm not the most emotionally stable right now, although hopefully I will become that way (not the best trait I know, but a true sign of my weakness).  I can wear the mask I've perfected over the years, but I think it's time to shed it, as hard as it is.  But the one thing that is stable is my need for Christ.  I hope pray that He becomes your rock as well.