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I wonder why men feel this need to be super macho stoney exteriors.  Of course I desire it to, but I don't see why.  What is wrong with crying, what is wrong with admitting struggles, what is wrong with recognizing brokeness?  Why can't I, at least just I, forgive myself?

I think part of it is this desire to be someone, to fulfill some role that we artificially placed on ourselves.  We can't seem weak because then who wants to be with us.  We can't seem too much like a baby because we want that respect.  And yet... it doesn't make sense.  Does me making fun of someone (which i do too much) or talking in a slightly different tone of voice mean anything? No... in fact it shows my insecurities.  It shows my lack of appreciating and delving and holding onto the Gospel.  It shows my lack of faith.

So of course if you like sports then yay, but if you feel like you have to like sports to be a "guy" why?  So you need to cry, then cry.... perhaps this what we need.  More people that can admit their weaknesses to others.  And with everything it starts with the person talking about it, so I guess me.  Haha, maybe I should carry tissues around or something.  I think deep within me, I'm just a cry baby.  When I cry I finally reveal the depth of my pain, anguish, or even joy.  So why hold it in?  Well in part it is embarassing, but I think in front of my closest friends and people I trust it's okay.  People just look so dumb when they cry. Haha.


Also a side note, I finally managed to finish the Bible last month, and didn't feel as accomplished as I thought I would... haha.  But I think reading the Bible morning and night in small chunks like I've been doing for the past couple days, is so much better than reading in a larger chunk.  Of course you hear these things, but putting it into practice always gives a nice surprise.  Sigh, instance of laziness, I've received lots of good advice over time but only lately have I been applying them.  Better late then never though.